This is an exchange we had in the car the other day as we drove by the cemetery.
Mommy: That is where Anaiya is.
Alex: I know that. I see her. She is there under the flowers. I mean, her bones are under the flowers.
Mommy: Yes, but where is her heart?
Alex: In Heaven!
Audrey: My heart is in my belly.
Mommy: Oh yea?
Audrey: Yes, I am having babies.
Mommy: How many?
Audrey: One, two, three, four. Four babies.
Mommy: That's a lot of babies.
Audrey: I like coyotes.
Mommy: Coyotes?
Alex: Are your babies coyotes?
Audrey: Yes.
Coyotes?! Where in the world did that come from? She said, "Oh my peas!" the other day...I at least know where that came from (Super Why). She comes up with the silliest things. Yesterday I showed her pictures of a pig a friend of ours found. She instantly fell in love. She immediately proceeded to tell me, "Megan said they had a bunny rabbit but it was just a silly pig."
She and Alex come up with the silliest things to say. I love it (most times) because they get to giggling and laughing. It is the most beautiful sound ever.
Alex has become another boy. I tell people that I miss my four year old. I am not sure what happens with the switch between four and five, but something does happen. This boy that I now am raising does not listen. Ever. It is as if the moment we lose the eye lock the brain discards all previous information. He is still very loving and that is probably what is keeping me sane. He picks on his sister constantly. I realize this is a rite of passage but Lord help me if I don't ... if I don't ... I don't know but it will be something big because he drives me crazy with it.
Alex just started t-ball. I am not sure that I should stay to watch anymore. He plays in the dirt and picks clover. Plus he enjoys rough housing with some of the boys. He told me, "Maybe I was a little mean to him." after I asked why he was pushing another little boy. What?! Who are you!!! Just wait till he starts school. I am sure I won't know who he is then.
We are coming up on Anaiya's one year birthday. It is very interesting to look back and compare where I was a year ago today or yesterday or any other day. Today, a year ago, I would have been thinking and praying for a miracle, knowing it could happen. And that if a miracle could happen for anyone, it definitely could and would happen for me. We had several miracles, just not the one I had scripted out it my mind. July 2nd is the day. I am not looking forward to it but then again, I am looking forward to it. We plan on "celebrating" similar to the day at the cemetery...letting our love float to her on balloons we release at the cemetery and then going to Marion's Pizza. I miss her every day. Every day! But I have a loving family, a great husband, and two wonderful kids, and one absolutely beautiful angel who lives in my heart.
